Do You Have an “AGH!”?
When you think of giving or getting advice, what comes to your mind?
I don’t think all advice is bad, but certainly not all of the advice I’ve received is good either. I’m on the cautious side of advice. I notice if I’m in a conversation where someone asks for advice, I lean in a little closer and become somewhat protective of that person on the receiving end. When given at the wrong time, I’ve seen advice transform many 4-way intersections into one-way signs.
Michael Bungay Stanier, author of the best-selling book The Coaching Habit, playfully portrays our advice giving habit (or “AGH!” for short) as a monster. Soon after someone asks us for advice, we excitedly share our brilliant guidance for their situation. This advice monster delights in the accomplished feeling of helping others yet neglects to acknowledge its lack of context for the situation, among other things. As a result, our friend is worse off than before.
However, Michael suggests that we can conquer the “AGH!” by being just a little more inquisitive towards others. In asking them questions, we validate their understanding of the situation and further their insight.
Michael offers these three questions to re-route advice-giving conversations:
What’s the real challenge here for you?
The AWE question: And what else?
What do you want?
You can watch his entertaining TED talk here.
While learning to write in elementary school, my teachers would always instruct us to “show, don't tell.”
In the case of advice, I now want to adopt the phrase, “ask, don’t tell.”
Other Things…
It’s been a while since I’ve posted! Thanks for taking the time to read :)
If you want to hear more from Michael, I recently listened to and enjoyed this podcast with Brené Brown and Michael Bungay Stanier.
And… you are invited to join my book club!
I’m seeking to learn more on behavioral science, personal development, and overall wellness. I want to learn alongside you in casual monthly discussions on books related to these topics.
This month, we’ll start with the best-seller, The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier.
Michael’s book is referred to by many coaching professionals as a go-to for everyday coaching principles. It’s an enjoyable read written for anyone who has influence over others (which is all of you).
The first meeting will (tentatively) be held September 25th around 7:30 pm CST over Zoom.
Interested? Let me know!
