Love is Listening
Efficiency, or the pursuit of wasting less time, less energy, and less resources in getting results, is central in our society. I notice I am often focused on the next thing to be accomplished, and my need to slow down is at war with my desire to achieve and stay busy. I go on social media, glance at a post, and instantly make a judgement on someone’s state of life. As I’m listening to people, I formulate a response in my head to “help” them get to a conclusion and move on, yet my coaching training has been challenging me to listen to understand instead.
Computers are already competent at taking in information and generating solutions. But only humans possess the ability to hold space for another, and to sit there with them, as we listen. And only we have intuition, which we may draw upon as we’re listening, to allow for the possibility of the other to discover something they may not be seeing.
Time and time again, I’ve witnessed people uncover solutions to the things that have caused them the most tension solely through asking them a question from a perspective they hadn’t thought about prior. The hope physically sweeps across their face. And rather than relying more on me to solve their problem, they walk away with more belief in themselves to do so the next time.
I recently learned that, for many, feeling heard is almost identical to feeling loved. Studies also indicate that partners who truly listen to each other have the most prosperous relationships. Yet how many people come to mind when we think about someone who gives us his or her entire attention as we talk and listens without judgement or without drawing conclusions?
Researchers state that developing a curious mind towards others is the key to becoming a better listener. Here are some other practical ways you and I can sharpen our listening skills.
Maintain eye contact, sit up straight, and don’t let your mind wander.
Enter into the other’s world.
Do not judge them and focus on being empathetic.
Nod, say “uh huh.” Physically indicate that you’re tracking with what they’re saying.
Notice the tone and emotions behind their words.
Pay attention to their body language.
Use your intuition to ask clarifying questions.
Summarize what they’ve said and repeat it back to them.
Sources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/heart-healthcare/202111/the-power-deep-listening-in-healing
