The Key to a Happy Life

Jan 12

Did you know we’re living in an epidemic of loneliness in the United States? (1)

According to the CDC, an endemic is a disease that has rapidly increased above the expected levels in an area. (2) Since 2019, almost 60% of US adults are estimated to be experiencing loneliness. Cigna’s study also found that young adults in particular are experiencing the highest rates of loneliness at more than double the rates of seniors. Men and women were found to display similar rates of loneliness.

Poor mental health is closely tied to loneliness. Anxiety, depression, sleeping issues, weight problems, and substance use are all associated with isolation. Loneliness also impacts productivity and performance at work and increases employee absenteeism. Businesses lost an estimated $1.5 billion in productivity from employee absence due to loneliness in 2020.

In Harvard’s “longest-running study on happiness,” director Dr. Robert Waldinger of the Harvard Study on Adult Development stated that happiness is strongly linked to possessing devoted relationships with family members and friends. (3) As Waldinger stated in a TED podcast, “Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” (4)

After graduating college and into this past year, I’ve experienced different waves of loneliness. I’ve been fortunate to visit my close friends from high school and college, but living in a different state changes the levels of connection I can have with them. A few days ago, my husband and I were talking about the unique attributes our friends possess and the ways they fill voids that we just cannot fill ourselves. They contribute something new to the conversation, whether it's their excitable energy or their pleasant yet gentle presence, and we simply miss the way they enhance our lives.

As I’m forging new connections in Texas, I’m learning to listen for other people's values when I talk to them. I heard this strategy from Dr. Heather Holleman, an English professor at Penn State, who regularly researches ways to engage her college students and encourage good communication. (5) As I collect data on the interests of my new friends, I gain valuable conversation topics that will likely enhance both of our connectedness. I have very vivid memories of recent co-workers who followed up with me on an interest or event outside of work, and those conversations, likely less than 3 minutes long, made me feel more purposeful in my job that day.

In less than a 3 minute conversation, here are some engaging questions to spark conversation with those around you:

Because it was just the holidays: What did you enjoy doing over the holidays?
What are you looking forward to this year?

What’s something that made you smile recently?
What have you been thinking about lately?
What’s something new you’ve learned recently?
When someone is getting to know you, what’s something that you want people to ask you about?